The Randomness of Chibi Jazzy

Just any random things in my life that I feel need to be put in a journal. Hope you have fun with me :)

Thursday, December 24, 2015

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

It is truly a happy day for me.

For months I've been up and down with what I want to do with my life and how I will achieve it.

Today might be that step that I needed to move forward with my life.

And to make me even more assured I finally managed to purchase my (LATE) Christmas gift.

I had so much trouble with Paypal that I gave up on getting it.

I decided to try again tonight and lo and behold.......IT WENT THROUGH!!!!!!!

I'll be doing a thorough review of my purchase when I get it next if you like anime then you'll definitely like this!!

Till next one!

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Today, I went to the bank.

              It was raining.

On my way......a man down the sidewalk I was walking seemed to be urinating on a tree.

            I crossed the street after I noticed.

I made it to the bank and as I waited in line, someone requested that they need to call someone else to the counter.

          The lady who was being served at the counter seemed to take it up upon herself to confront the person who spoke first.

Then commotion erupted.

        So it turned into a 4 way 'talking over each other' moment.

It was calmed by another worker only to erupt again when the woman, who was being served finished her transaction, decided she didn't want it to end.


Why can't people utilize the ability to ignore and block out stupid?
Come on!
I do this all the time.
It's like second nature for now.

Anyone else a master of blocking out stupid? :D

Monday, December 21, 2015

This post is going to be really short but hopefully to the point.

Today I'm going to chat a bit about a magazine I found at Barnes and Noble about a month ago.
It is called Bella Grace. There website is It cost me $20 US but it was definitely worth it. The content and quality is excellent and you won't regret purchasing it (especially if you like or want to enjoy the simpler and quieter quality of life)
This is from their 'Who We Are' section on their website:

"Founded in 2014, Bella Grace came about because of a shared love of simple and slow living 
President Kellene Giloff and Editor-in-Chief Christen Hammons.

We believe:
An ordinary life can be extraordinary,
there is beauty in imperfection,
and that magic can be found in the everyday.

Our aim is to touch the souls of our readers through beautifully penned stories and striking 
photographs that capture life’s beautiful journey. For anyone who is tired of trying 
to fit ill-considered standards of what beauty is supposed to look like or reaching for 
unattainable ideals – Bella Grace gives you permission to just go ahead and toss them. 
Embrace imperfection. Celebrate your messy life. Shine a spotlight on small, everyday moments 
– they are special, and they are yours.

If you are looking for the most creative, inspirational women’s magazine available today
– you’ve come to the right place. The topic of each narrative differs greatly, 
from defining self identity 
to the simple charm of the clothesline, but the common bond between them is clear: live authentically 
and with purpose; find poetry in the everyday. Each issue contains interactive lists, thought-provoking 
prompts, and spaces for readers to respond directly on its pages."

They accomplish everything they set out for and more.
I'm half way through the magazine and each story makes me literally slow down and immerse myself in the worlds that each writer presents in the works they created.
I highly recommend this magazine as it literally takes you on trips through the writers experiences, makes you slow down and truly take in and enjoy life, and allows you to feel the mystical and magical presence from the world around us.

Sunday, December 20, 2015


I watched the second part of the two part movie for Kyoukai No Kanata last night and I was left slightly miffed and unsatisfied. I had hoped that this part would clear up the loose ends from the anime series and the first part of the movie. However, I was left with more questions then answers to the questions from earlier in the series. For example: Mirai's past was revealed but (IMO) it wasn't anything new. I learned was that she's from the cursed blood clan and that her mother was murdered along with herself???? (I believe. It got so confusing at that point) because they're from the cursed blood clan (WHICH ISN'T ANYTHING NEW!) and seemingly were revived in the youma world??? Seriously, those scenes literally lost me. It basically seemed like a redone version of the anime series, only now, with a Mirai who has lost her memories due to a youma that was in her (from the beginning or later I can't say), and all the melodrama that went with it. (Honestly, how many more times are they going to rehash the same, same thing of "Mirai isn't normal. Mirai is weird. Mirai isn't human. Mirai is a monster. Mirai is continually blaming herself for everything blah blah blah. I went through 10+ episodes of this already and to go through it again....come on. Akihito is in a similar if not a worse situation in my opinion).
I really wanted to love this movie but it really just seemed like a rehash of the anime with added nit bits that only increased the number of unanswered questions i.e (a) like who the hell is Akihito's mother? They claim she's just a super powerful spirit warrior and has a son who is a half youma. She knows too much (to not be an important character) who shares little. At the end of the battle she states a supposedly 'hypothetical' situation that she's a gatekeeper for the gateway between the human and youma world. THAT IS A PRETTY SERIOUS AND MIND-BLOWING HYPOTHETICAL SITUATION ISN'T IT!!! (b) who the hell is Akihito's father? Like an immortal youma didn't seem interesting enough to go into detail for then?!? Come on, the fact that a human and a youma can produce an offspring should've been more in focus and developed. Where is he? Why does no seem interested in wanting to learn even a little bit about him? Wasted opportunity to learn about the youma world, how it operates and why these two worlds are connected. (c) I believe that higher powers and organizations exist due to the fact the Akihito's mom seems to work in a completely different line of assignments, answers to some other higher up than the Nase family and the other people 'looking to take control of the area the Nase family is in control of', and coming comes into the picture if something is going to cause harm to her son or the balance between the two worlds.
At the moment, I don't know if the series is continuing but I'm so invested in these characters and their world I'm thinking of searching for the original work (a light novel series) and hope that I can get answers to these questions.
The second part of the movie really seemed to have been created just to tie the loose ends in Akihito and Mirai's romance. I love them together but creating so many plot holes doesn't justify how they went about it.
I highly recommend the series. It's dark and heart wrenching story with some nice comedic tones. The animation is beautiful. The characters and their development are done pretty well. It has a suitable progression in the story with some confusing moments. Overall, it's a lovely watch (anime, ovas, specials and movies) that I believe will be worth your time.

Movie rating: 7/10

Friday, December 18, 2015

[Inspired by "The Magic Bicycle" from the magazine 'Bella Grace' Issue 5, written by Sarah Bradley]

"What is my canvas; my outlet?"

What is my canvas?
What is my outlet?
How do I, as an individual, express myself?
How do I let those around me see my light; my beacon?

I like art....but I haven't put pencil to sketch pad paper in years,
I like quiet.....but too much makes me claustrophobic,
I like to move.....but not too much,
I like to read,,,,but I'm lazy, pick and somewhat of slacker when I make schedules.......

There's many more things I like but expressing them is so tiresome

I always felt that 'Hey, when it's time for you to open yourself to others you'll know'
But now.....
I don't know......
I want to unlock the door to my heart,
share what I have learned.....experienced in these 20+ years of life.
but I'm still scared.
Scared of indifference;
Scared of rejection;
Scared of mockery.

Two contrasting points, "to be open or not to be open", continue to have this game of tug and war for dominance.

Will I survive?

Heck yea.

But for how much longer will I have to wait to get a definite answer, if any at all?

What is my canvas?
What is my outlet?
Dear Lord,
I wonder what they are...........

Written: Thursday 17th Dec, 2015

Wow, it's been quite awhile.
Apparently it's been 4 months since my last post.
That's quite some time ago.

To summarize why I've been absent from this blog:
I went home (SVG) in July for a few months to visit my mom and friends.
I wasn't interested in creating content. 
I just wanted to relax and enjoy the company of my mom and friends.
When I came back to the states, I was quite busy. 
I am currently in the applying process to a design school (I'll be making a post on what I'm currently doing and interested in, if you're interested that is) and applying for jobs.

This post is really to help me get back into the groove of things.
I have done a number of drafts that are just waiting for me to give them love but at the moment I'm not in the mood to touch them.
So I'm challenging myself to post something everyday for a week.
There's no clear topic or path for the posts.
The goal is just to get my mind and hands working again.

So those who follow this blog (for whatever reason it be) I'm semi-back and at the end of this challenge week I'll be doing a post update for a few posts that I left hanging and another post for the schedule I plan to make in regards to the content for this blog.

So till next time take care and may the Lord Jesus continue to keep and carry you as this year is slowing but surely coming to a close.


Sunday, August 16, 2015

As my first post about 9Muses was mainly about the departure of Sera Ryu, which was in a slightly sad tone, and is the most popular post on my blog, I have decided to dedicate this new 9Muses post to their recent comeback, which is going to have all that good summer feels.

On the 2nd July 9Muses returned with their 2015 summer comeback album '9Muses S/S Edition', with the title track "Hurt Locker". This is their 2nd comeback with recent members Lee Keumjo and Jo Sojin (their first being "Drama").

Left: Lee Keumjo                                                 Right: Jo Sojin
                                                          Images Link


1) Teasers (focused on the second one)

Mouth-dropping action!!!
The BEAT, the colors, the containers [like what?!?!?], drone camera action.........Kyungri.......seriously. 
My heart was on fire. THAT BEAT THOUGH......that beat seriously set the tone for me....did I mention the beat ;) 
I knew from the teasers alone that this song would be the best summer song of 2015.

2) Music Video (M/V)

The M/V itself wasn't that interesting. The highlights of the M/V were: the members themselves, the choreography, the location (container park or something) and the drone action.
The video was bright, jam-packed with colors and exhibited lots of life and energy. It is just what you would expect from a summer video (minus the location). The container warehouse/park was odd and different but helped it standout from all the staged and weird story plot themed videos for this summer. The containers were utilized really well. I mean, come on!!! They are on top off at least seven (7) the air......DANCING......and owning it. The choreography should have been showcased more in the actual music video instead of only the practice video that was released afterwards. The choreography is simple, executed fluidly and is not exaggerated. It doesn't need to be. It fit the style, tone and feel of the song.

Rating: 3/5

3) Song

It's your typical love-breakup song but the beat and flow of it really brought it to life.
The distribution of lines fit the song, however, I personally would've liked Minha to have actually sung Keumjo's beginning line like they had her do in the live shows and performances. It really helped balance out the song even more. I cannot end without talking about Euaerin's rap portion. Even though it's practically a norm now to have a rap portion in K-Pop songs, 9Muses rap portions always seem to be that 'icing on the cake' for their songs and "Hurt Locker" is no different. Even though their last few title tracks had about two (2) rap breaks, Euaerin's rap was an appropriate length and was that necessary piece to begin the the closing of the song. It flowed smoothly from beginning to end without feeling random or out of place. 

Rating: 4.5/5

4) Overall 

I believe "Hurt Locker" is the best summer K-Pop song of 2015. The summer songs for 2015 K-Pop have been a letdown with mediocre songs and recycled beats. 9Muses saved summer K-pop this year. "Hurt Locker" might have had a slightly dull video (which was mainly for visual/aesthetic purposes and succeeded at it) but the song has all the necessary components for summer (IMO): a catchy beat, a proper high and climax, and an appropriate flow. Sadly with big names like SISTAR, BIG BANG, Girls' Generation, rising stars AOA and more entering the summer field around the same time, 9Muses has been pushed to the back burner. I hope that I'll be able to see 9Muses take #1 at live shows and performances, even with the big names of K-Pop on the scene, one day in the near future.

Overall Rating: 4/5

Till next time,

Take care and may God bless and keep you during this week.

Saturday, July 11, 2015

For this summer I'll be challenging myself to read a decent number of books.
And I mean READ THEM not 'read and not understand anything for the sake of finishing the book'.


Here's the list of books I'll be attempting to finish in about 3 months [PLEASE DO NOT MOCK ME FOR THE SMALL NUMBER. I AM A VERY SLOW READER :( ] :

1. Christ Life by Ruth Myers
2. Let Me Be A Woman by Elisabeth Elliot
3. The Set-apart Woman by Leslie Ludy
4. The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer
5. God's Pursuit of Man by A.W. Tozer

I will be reading them in the order listed and I might be doing the commentaries in intervals for example: 'Book 1: chapters 1-5 commentary'. However the intervals for the commentaries will depend on the number of chapters there are in each book.

If anyone that reads this has read any of these books I would like to have almost any type of discussion or conversation with you on the topics and the impressions that you may have gotten from them. 

For now that'll be all. 
Till I begin this mini-series, see you soon.
May the Lord Jesus bless you with His presence and continued support through this life.

Thursday, June 11, 2015

Original date : Saturday 6th June, 2015

I have come to realize that the answers or even just the thoughts and potentials that this current generation has been seeking lies in our past.

Let me explain.

The works, writings, thoughts, presumptions and philosophies of our ancestors tell the story of their worlds: their triumphant, their downfalls, their discoveries, their inventions. By looking to the past, we see and learn of and from their messages and warnings.

It has only been a few months since I started to dabble in the works and writings of past Christian teachers and advocates, but this is the most excited I have been when it involves history.

History was always this systematic bore with lifeless portrayals of seemingly important events and dates. It was always about getting a decent grade from the snooze fest called 'History class' and never about being drawn to or intrigued by the people of the past. That is what they were: People of the Past. Never a connection between my life and theirs. Dates and documents that are void of life and personality did not intrigue me. I want life stories. I want to know why certain people did what they did and who influenced their thinking, beliefs and actions.

Knowing the dates and documented events does not activate imagination or yearning to know of the past builders and craftsmen of our world. I find that it insults and diminishes the value, work and hardships that these people of the past made and went through to get their stories, their side of events, across.

This change in my approach to reading and studying of the Scriptures is opening my mind to worlds, cultures and discoveries that are held within their pages. I'm reading books from C.S Lewis, Ellen G White, A. W Tozer; books that were considered ancient and out of touch with the modern age. They are coming back by demand. Not because these books are religious or history nuts are on a rise, but due to truths, philosophies and discoveries held in these paper bound scripts.

I can't wait to see what else the Lord will open up my mind to. It's exciting, slightly terrifying and soul-liberating all at the same time.

Influenced by:    "The Unknown God" Series part 3 by David Asscherick on 3ABN's program                                          'Anchors of Truth' and on the website [] 

                             An article by World's Last Chance "The Great Controversy, SDAs and The                                          Historical Trash Heap'. [                                                          time-prophecy/the-great-controversy-sdas-and-the-historical-trash-heap.html]

Friday, May 29, 2015

Yay! It's my first site review.
Oh my gosh! I'm seriously nervous and excited.
Here goes nothing........

This review would be on the items that bought and received, and the process I went through.

The site I purchased from is called CDJapan (, which is known for merchandise ranging from CDs to anime paraphernalia and much more from Japan (hence the title of the site). I learned about this site almost 4 to 5 years ago but with no credit/debit card to my name I decided to wait patiently till it would be my time.

My time arrived and I didn't waste a second. I picked out what I wanted for the time and to just test out how the site works. I bought 4 CDs: Kavkanize [Regular Edition] by Shishido Kavka (1st full length album), THE IDOLM@STER (Idolmaster) MASTER ARTIST 3 01 Haruka AmamiTHE IDOLM@STER (Idolmaster) MASTER ARTIST 3 02 Hibiki Ganaha and THE IDOLM@STER (Idolmaster) MASTER ARTIST 3 03 Makoto Kikuchi.

From this point on I'll be describing the process I went through in purchasing, including shipping and packaging and show pictures of the CDs and some bits of information that might help you if you are interested in buying from CDJapan.                                                        

Order date: 24th May

Shipping Choice: FedEx International Priority
There are about 7 different shipping options you can choose from. Once you are on the page of the item you want you'll see a Shipping Charge Calculator below the Add to Cart tab. It'll give you the list of countries they ship to and once you pick your shipping country of choice just click the tab that says Calculate. A small box will appear showing you the shipping options and their respective prices in Yen and in your choice of currency.

Shipping Time: 2 days

Delivery date: 28th May

In order to make purchases from CDJapan you must make an account with them first if you want to gain the rewards points offered. It is only mandatory if you wish to get rewards points. If you do not wish to make an account or are not interested in the rewards points you can use the Paypal option which I'll discuss a little later. You can make an account first or when you go to checkout your items. A page will appear asking you to either make an account or sign in (which is existing customers). A little note: when I signed up they gave me 300 points (which I'll discuss in a bit) as a new customer. I'm not sure if it's for every new customer but if it is it's to help start you out.

Now I'll explain what this 'points' business is about. Every item on the site has Points You Earn below currency choice tab. These points are equivalent to yen. You can use these points to assist or even pay for the entire order. The points are dependent on the price of the item i.e the more expensive the item is, the more points you'll earn and the less expensive an item is, the lower number of points you'll gain. However, points only apply to those that use the Checkout option. There are two ways to pay for orders: the Checkout option and through Paypal. Once you are ready to checkout, there you'll see the two options and above and below the Paypal tab it will say "Or checkout without creating account" and "No rewards points credited" respectively. 

When using the checkout option you can use a credit or debit card. I will say that the process of the payment being immediately deducted from your account is not going to happen. It's going to take some time. CDJapan will send an approximate amount to your bank and they will authorize the amount once the currency exchange amount is accurate and finalized. At this very moment I'm still waiting for CDJapan to authorize the accurate amount to my bank. On your online bank statement (well for mine) it might show an amount not included in the overall summary and it will only be added once everything is finalized. This, however, did not affect my order being shipped. 

This is the first time I have ordered anything from CDJapan and I must say I am pleased. I give my overall experience a 4/5Everything is laid out in an easy to maneuver format and is easily accessible. There shipping is fast and on time. The prices are reasonable (as in they are the exact prices you would be charged if you were in Japan) and the rewards system is pretty appealing. However, the artist and product titles can get slightly mixed up or blended together with other artists and products with similarities in title, artist or series name, and the fact that its been 5 days since I paid and it hasn't gone through yet is a little never-wrecking. Overall, it was a good experience and I would recommend anyone who is interested in authentic Japanese merchandise to give them a try. [NB: If there is any change in my opinion of the site I will make an update post]

Phew! I hope you are still there. I know this is a long post but you're on the last leg: pictures of my CDs. Yay!

First 3 pictures are of the package itself

The next 5 would be inside the box and the CDs themselves

Now it will be each CD separately

Kavkanize by Shishido Kavka






THE IDOLM@STER (Idolmaster) MASTER ARTIST 3 01 Haruka Amami






 THE IDOLM@STER (Idolmaster) MASTER ARTIST 3 02 Hibiki Ganaha 






THE IDOLM@STER (Idolmaster) MASTER ARTIST 3 03 Makoto Kikuchi






And the final picture is of the bonus pictures I got from each of the IDOLM@sSTER CDs

I'm so glad you stuck through to end with me.
If you have any questions for me leave me a comment and I'll get back to you as quick as I can.
Till next time.
May the Lord God continue to keep and carry you through this crazy ride we call life.

Update for CDJapan Review: 27th September, 2015

I am so sorry for this long overdue update to my CDJapan Review.
I have no excuse for my tardiness, laziness and procrastination.
So without further a due here's the conclusion to my review of CDJapan!

I believe I was still waiting for my payment to go through when I first posted this review.
(NOTE: The time it took for the payment to go through was much shorter than it has taken me to put up this update!!)
I will only be summarizing this as most of the information was mentioned previously.

Order Date: 25th May, 2015
Final Charge Date: 2nd June, 2015
Basically it took about a week for the payment to go through. I must also mention that because there is an international transaction fee. I am not sure if this fee is applicable to Paypal charges (as I have not used Paypal on CDJapan) but it is something to look out for if you do decide to buy from CDJapan.

To conclude I'll be including my second order summary (yes, I bought more things!!)
Order Date:June 8th, 2015
Final Charge Date: 2nd July, 2015

Or so I thought. Turns out I didn't take any pictures of the CDs but I'll put up the front images of them.

Oh! And before I forget (if I mentioned this before I apologize but this is really important) I want to warn about their review system. PLEASE READ THE RULES ABOUT POSTING REVIEWS!!! I went through an incident where I accidentally put the wrong star rating for an album that I fell in love with (gave it a two star instead of five after I ran the cursor of the star rating, which is sensitive, by accident). I contacted their customer service (who I will be giving 5 stars for their professionalism and care of my situation) and conversed with them on what could be done. They were clear and concise in explaining their system and how it works. The situation was fixed by just basically deleting the comment altogether and advised me to be more careful in the future.Remember: YOU CAN ONLY COMMENT ONCE AT A PRODUCT! and PLEASE READ THE RULES FOR THEIR SYSTEM. It will save a lot of trouble and possible heartache.

My final review is the same as the original post: DEFINITELY RECOMMENDED
Just keep in mind what I said previously and I believe you'll have a pleasant experience with CDJapan.

Thank you for waiting and I will do my best to update this blog more often and frequently.
Till next time

May the Lord Jesus bless and carry you through this week.

Thursday, May 28, 2015

My thoughts and observations from different years

1. Thoughts
I think our minds have been cultured/cultivated to expect/yearn to have chaos, drama and destruction to feel alive and complete. 17/08/13 2.30 am 

2. Untitled
People believe that they are the center of the world, even though more than 6.9 billion people don't know of their existence. Race, religion, culture nor education changes that. It may be my view and perception but you gotta admit it is true, we all behave like that at some point in life. Some learn to be less self-centered and more caring, while others bask more in themselves and forget that the world doesn't revolve around them.
Aug 19, 2013

3.The Word of Power Sept 5th, 2013
By calling on the Word of God and claiming His gifts and promises, it will allow the Holy Spirit to show us that we are not alone and that God has a solution for any and every problem that we, as His children, might or will have in life.
Reference: 2 Timothy 4:2.

4. Untitled
The vicious human cycle is leading to its slow, abrupt but forseen end. The speed of advancements in the past 100 years has been slowly progressing into a high speed chase that'll end in a 'crash and burn'.
June 8th,2014

5. Untitled
What do you see in me? Who do you see in me?
June 8, 2014

" 'History attests that religion and religious people tend to be narrow. Instead of expenditure of capacity for life, joy and mystery, religion often contracts it. As systematic theology advances, the sense of wonder declines. Brennan Manning' Facebook post/quote from Escape to Reality "

This struck a cord in me. I do not disagree nor do I agree with Mr. Manning's statement. I agree when he talks about religion and religious people being narrowed minded, but that is due to their mind and spirit's devotion to the 'theory' of the religion and its practices instead of focusing on the true nature and purpose of it. I also agree that the mindless follow of a religion and its practices keeps is from truly yearning and learning about ourselves and the world God created for us. The final sentence is true as well.

It seems that I have only been agreeing with his point and that there is no fault in it. However, that is incorrect. I believe that religion, in today's culture and mindset, has been given a bad rep. Well its no surprise with all the scandals the church has been through, especially in the last 10 years. On the other hand, that gives us no excuse to cast the church and God aside. We are stereotyping God, the church and believers in Christ all because of a few peoples mistake. But that apparently is how the human mind works, even though we are not perfect it is much easier to condemn another imperfect person when they fall and then categorize them for their imperfection. That attitude and way of thinking is why I am on the bench on Mr. Manning's statement.

I find that our perception of what religion is, is corrupted and based on imperfect human understanding and wisdom. If religion is 'so bad' and 'not Christ like', then did the Lord inspire James to write the meaning and true purpose of religion. Christ has a meaning for 'Religion' and it is not how we depict or treat it. James ch 1 & verse 27 says " Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world."

Original date: September 17th , 2013

Regardless of how your day starts,
Regardless of how emotionally unstable you feel,
Regardless of how far off track you feel,
Regardless of how far off track you really are from the Lord's path,
He is always there to hold you when you experiencing a million unnerving emotions and frustrations, and are going down the wrong path,
He will lovingly nudge you back to Him and hold your hand once again along the path of life.
That does not mean we should take His mercy and loving kindness for granted,
As His children we must put aside our natural human nature (of hate, lies, lust and so much more) and to truly live as Christ Jesus who became our example even to the Cross.
To put off the old man and have the spirit of our minds renewed through the blood and sanctification of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Reference: Ephesians 4 verses 22 - 25

Original date: October 23rd, 2014

Saturday, May 16, 2015

Life has its ups and downs
Most want just the 'ups'.....
And at this moment, that's all I want.
Selfish? Yes. Needs of correction? Yes!
My habits and hobbies are one of my
biggest downfalls.
In order to grow, I need to put everything into
The Lord's hands.
Everything? You may ask.
Yes, everything.
My good moments, emotions and thoughts;
As well as the negative ones.
What I need is to put ALL my trust and hope
to build, grow and strengthen me into the
individual He has planned for me.
It's scary at times but I need to believe that
He has my best interests in mind.
My Lord, Savior, Guardian..... My everything.
Carry and guide me through this period in my
life, as I know in the end it'll be worth it.

Original date: June 23rd, 2014

Friday, May 15, 2015

It's easy to be nonchalant.
It's easy to be neutral.
It's easy to want to be:
the peacemaker,
the middleman,
and actually succeed.

It's easy being neutral.
It's easy being emotionless.
It's easy being neutral.
I repeat......It's easy......
being emotionless;
being neutral.........

But is it really.......the right......

I want to feel.
I want to remove this mask;
This hollow shell that covers,
and shields my.
Shields my heart?
From what?
Yes! Yes!
I'm scared to allow people in.
I'm scared of expressing my views;
My feelings.

I learned that doing such a thing,
leaves you open to attack;
It leaves you open;

It's not easy being open.
It's not easy being exposed.
It's not easy choosing one team,
and staying and standing firm
in that choice.

It's not easy being vulnerable.
I want to be vulnerable.
I want to be exposed, open, honest,
and vulnerable with You Lord Jesus.

It's not easy being vulnerable.
Help me to be vulnerable.
It's not easy being me.
Help me to be the 'me' You designed
me to be.

It's not easy being vulnerable.
It's easy being neutral...........
I want to be vulnerable.

Saturday, March 7, 2015


Good day to everyone.

I hope you are all having a pleasant weekend and continue to do so.

Today I will be doing my first skincare product review.

I'm always looking for that great facial scrub that won't be too abrasive, too liquid, or too smooth and during my time in Trinidad I decided to try out Neutrogena Naturals Purifying Pore Scrub from their new all natural line (new to me at the time). I have combination to oily skin.

I purchased the pore scrub on May 22nd 2014 and I continually used it on and off till it finished around the 25th of July of the same year. I used it day and night with and without other products. The consistency is similar to that of a cleanser but the small exfoliating beads can be felt. It has a slight earthy and fresh scent that isn't overwhelming. The ingredient list is short (which is always a plus) and each ingredient is defined so customers know exactly what is going on their faces. The ingredient list is printed nicely on the back of the product.

If the image is too small here's the ingredient list:

WaterPurified Water
Cocamidopropyl BetaineCoconut Derived
Hydrogenated Castor OilCastor Oil
Cocamidopropyl HydroxysultaineCoconut/Palm Kernel Derived
Xanthan GumFermented Plant Matter
Salix Alba (Willow) Bark ExtractWhite Willow Bark
Guar Hydroxypropyltrimonium ChlorideGuar Bean Derived
Hydrogenated Jojoba OilJojoba Oil
Glycol DistearateVegetable Derived
Sodium Benzoate                                      *
Fragrance                                                  *
*The remaining ingredients are essential to blend the product together and maintain effectiveness [on the back of package] 

During the first couple of uses I used quite a bit of product which I reduced due to my skin going from feeling slightly tingly to really irritated. I'm not sure if it was my fault (from the way I was applying it) or the product itself. The irritation disappeared slowly after I reduced the amount I used. Throughout my time using the product I came to the conclusion that I would not be repurchasing it in the future. It did clear my pores of excess oil (but didn't really control it) and grime from the day but i was really hoping it would have helped reduce my acne more.

This is not the products fault. It might have worked for me if I had tried the products that were group with it but I didn't have the need for them. Also my diet wasn't the best during that time. In the end it did some of what it claimed to do. My displeasure is due to my expectations not being met. If you are looking for a gentle cleanser that is also natural (says its 94% naturally derived) then I suggest giving the Neutrogena Naturals Purifying Pore Scrub a try. It's cheap and is available online and in most beauty/skincare stores. However, if you want something for oil/acne control I suggest you keep looking.

Overall, I give it a 3/5.

[DISCLAIMER: This product was purchased with my own finances. Everything  said is my own honest opinion of the product.]

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