The Randomness of Chibi Jazzy

Just any random things in my life that I feel need to be put in a journal. Hope you have fun with me :)

Monday, January 1, 2018

2018.....You have arrived.

2017 has come and gone. Honestly, this has been one of the most memorable years to date for me, whether for good or bad.

2017 brought a lot of changes to my life. Some include getting my first job, getting my first credit card for building credit, the ups and downs of working especially as a woman in the technology field, purchasing my first Kpop CDs, finding and going to 2 salons that deal with natural hair, believe or not but finally getting and working out my health insurance to the point that I have some basic understanding of the system and much more.

But some of those changes were, and still are, hard to deal with: dealing and working with people of all backgrounds, actually seeing that I have numbed myself to the Lord's influence and presence in my life to survive, learning that you really are alone regardless of the social activities one does, that being optimistic and positive in a cynical world is physically, emotionally and mentally draining to the point that you want to give up but out of sheer stubbornness you don't, that I have a very weak resolve in regards to my interior design classes and furthering my knowledge in my IT career and some other stuff that isn't coming to mind yet.

I feel like I have been finding myself throughout these few years, this year being the epitome of this: who I am as a fallen human and who I am as a struggling Christian. This year has pushed me to see that I've been favoring and leaning towards one side over the other. It's the side that I should not identify with. I find that the more I strive to learn more about people, their differences and history, I move away from the original reason as to WHY I wanted that knowledge. I wanted that knowledge and form of understanding to be able to reach people in groups that are often ignored, forgotten or demonized for the sake of doing that and due to lack of understanding of said groups. I believe I always need to remember the origin of my desire for pursuing that knowledge or I'll continue to fall deeper into that nonchalant worldly 'Christian' mindset and attitude.

This blog was created for me to express myself. As a Christian. As an Japanese/South Korean entertainment fan. As a student of life and design. As a young black woman who does not fit the stereotypical mold of either category. But during these 12 months my life has been a literal rollercoaster and the ride has not ended. I want to start fresh. To go back to the pure and innocent purpose and reasoning for this blog like journal: to express myself without worry. Not to be the next 9to5 (technically it's 8to5 for me but I digress) that can make it of off blogging full time. Not for clicks nor Fame. But to interact with people who are similar to me; who resonate or can relate to what I say; have similar beliefs, hobbies and whatnots like me; to challenge me to grow in my faith and as a person; possibly one day to create a simple and connected community where we can communicate, share and discuss ideas, opinions without molds separating us.

I want to simplify my life. I have gone out of my way to complicate it for absolutely no reason. I want to work on evaluating what I bring into my life, my space, my mind and my body. I want to make decisive choices. I want to fight against my unhealthy habits. I want to fight against my fears. I want be pushed to my limit so I can create another limit only to push it again. I want to get out of my comfort and fight for what I need to be doing.

I have a lot I want to do but I will not let it overcome me. Take it slow. Breathe. Look around you. Let what you see be your mission for growth and discipline. I hope that this year regardless of what happens, the good, the bad, the joyful, the terrible, that you will not give up. That you will fight for what God has in store for you. That you will live life to it's fullest potential.

Thank you.

Happy New Year.

Happy 2018.

- Jasmine

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