The Randomness of Chibi Jazzy

Just any random things in my life that I feel need to be put in a journal. Hope you have fun with me :)

Friday, January 1, 2016


It's 2016!!!
Happy New Year to everyone!!

Now that 2015 has come to an end and a new year with unknown possibilities has begun, I will like to look back and talk a bit about my personal life in 2015.

2015 was the continuation of the "crossroad year of 2014" for me.
In 2014, I dropped out of the university I was attending in the Caribbean . I was studying Accounting and I was not happy. I was barely understanding the courses, barely passing them and actually failing one twice. I was in a country I had never been to, prior to my enrollment at said school, and was having trouble settling and interacting with people. However, my time there was not entirely horrible. My roommate was a lovely girl from Jamaica, who was two years younger than me. She was an engineering student and I really liked to conversing with her. I managed to somewhat get out of my shell makes a good number of "acquaintances-almost-friends" there. I met different people that helped me along during my time there (from the taxi driver my mom and I got at the airport, to a lovely lady I met at the church my roommate went to, a former student of my mother and many more). The crossroads appeared when I failed one of my courses for the second time. I had honestly thought I was well prepared and was going to at least get a decent grade. So it was a knife in my heart and multiple slaps to my face when I got my results. I'm not to lie and say I was well prepared for the university life that I was in but it was an eye-opener to see how ill-prepared and unmotivated I was. Basically after talking with my mom, she decided to send me to the states to try for art colleges (I will be making a post on what I want to pursue career wise if you're interested sometime soon) and maybe find a job as well. And that is where I am currently. I had to take the GED (known as HiSet in Boston now) as well as my SAT (a requirement for one of the colleges I applied for). For both of these tests I had to take classes (less than 3 months for the HiSet and less than 2 months for the SAT) and I passed both (even though I was a little disappointed in my SAT grades). After getting through those steps I was left feeling frustrated with the college I was applying to because they kept adding on things they wanted from me; from one reference letter to three, to pieces for a portfolio which they said I didn't need earlier and so much more. So by the time I was getting ready to come back home (St.Vincent) I had sent everything they wanted and was only waiting patiently to hear back from them. Instead of a response on my acceptance, I got requested to provide more material . Now I'm waiting once again to hear if they accepted me or not.

2015 also was a year of literally throwing crap at me to drag me out of my comfort zone. It started with my HiSet classes. I had to interact with people who were at least 4 years younger than me who had lives that I only read online about and saw on TV. It was quite nerve-wracking but my mom and aunt prayed for me and told me to not be afraid, hold head up high and that the Lord will keep and carry me. I trusted in their words and decided to make the best of my experience. Going to those classes allowed me to meet people who actually care about helping young people make it in life and these people are still assisting to this day over a year later. I'm extremely grateful to them and the program I went to for the classes. Currently they are helping me in job searches and my college applications.

2015 was also a year of celebrations. Many people and friends I know were getting married, engaged, graduating college, getting jobs, announcing pregnancies and moving forward with theirs lives. It was so uplifting and encouraging to see people continue to strive, dream and work hard to get where they are now. It was a source of encouragement. However, 2015 turned into a year ending in mourning for my family and myself. I lost two family members in the month of December. One from a sister from church. She passed away on Christmas day from cancer. And the other was my cousin who passed a few days before the new year from an auto immune disease. At times it seems like I have become numb and immune to deaths that it sickens me. How much more do I, my family, my friends and everyone else, have to endure this pain.......why does the world seem to only acknowledge death when they deem it worthy. Death is indeed a fact of life. I don't expect nor want the world to mourn my loss but can't I hope and pray that they don't dismiss my pain, dismiss the mutual connection that links us. Life is too short to just waste frivolously on unnecessary drama, material items that we'll become bored of in no time at all and the non comprehensibility hate, detest and disrespect we give to each other.....other human beings......for having different thinking processes, ideas, beliefs, attire, skin color, appearance, social status, backgrounds and so much more. It needs to stop. Hate can only bring hate. Humanity is constantly in a cycle and always fails to see it. We fail to try and identify the real source of humanity's problems. We only bandage the branches that come from the root. 

Only Love can solve the source problem and I believe the source of the True and Authentic Love is from God the Creator shown through His Son Jesus Christ who came to this world to give humanity it's final chance at redemption.

For 2016 I am not making resolutions (as I never or barely keep them anyway), instead I am just going to keep doing what I started in 2015: breaking old and hazardous habits and developing new ones, eating better and healthier, exercising, attempting to get out of my "underweight" corner, immersing myself in the Word of God, learning that it's okay to be out of my comfort zone, writing (journaling) more, etc.

If you have something you want to tell someone, tell them before it's too late.
Time and our lives has never and will never be in our hands.
We didn't choose when, to whom nor where we were born.
Meaning we also don't get to choose when it's our time to go (but lifestyle and our choices do contribute).

For those who made it this far, thank you for reading.
My hopes and prayers are that your hard work, dreams, hopes and ambitions are all met by the grace of God this year.

Till next time,
take care and may the Lord Jesus bless and carry you through 2016 as well.


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